Decoding the Signals: Objects and Symbols in the Swinging World (Extended Edition)
While often shrouded in a veil of discretion, the world of swinging leaves subtle clues for those who know where to look. These clues, often objects and symbols, serve as a silent language, a way for like-minded individuals to connect without overt declarations.
1. The Upside-Down Pineapple: A Deeper Dive
Beyond the Fruit: The pineapple's association with hospitality and welcome has been twisted, quite literally, to signify a more adventurous form of welcome. It's a playful subversion of a common symbol.
Context is Key: While a single upside-down pineapple might be a coincidence, a cluster of pineapple-themed items or an upside-down pineapple in a context that suggests a playful atmosphere is more telling.
The Digital Age: Online communities and social media have amplified the pineapple's meaning, making it a widely recognized symbol within the lifestyle.
2. Black Rings: More Than Just Fashion
The Right-Hand Rule: The specific placement of the black ring, particularly on the right-hand middle finger, is a crucial detail. It's a subtle distinction that separates it from a simple fashion statement.
The Material Matters: Some within the lifestyle prefer specific materials for their black rings, such as silicone or tungsten, further adding to the subtle code.
Evolution of the Symbol: Like any symbol, the meaning of the black ring can evolve. It's essential to stay updated on the latest interpretations within the community.
3. Specific Jewelry or Charms: The Intricate Details
The Infinity Loop: Interwoven infinity symbols, often in the form of pendants or bracelets, can represent the interconnectedness of relationships within the lifestyle.
Celtic Knots: Certain Celtic knot designs, with their intricate patterns and symbolism, can also be used as discreet identifiers.
Personalized Symbols: Some couples create their own personalized symbols, further adding to the complexity of the code.
4. Clothing Choices: The Art of Suggestion
Color Coordination: Couples who wear coordinated outfits, particularly in bold or vibrant colors, can be signaling a shared sense of adventure.
Suggestive Slogans: Clothing with playful or suggestive slogans or inside jokes related to the lifestyle can be a more overt form of signaling.
Themed Attire: At swinger-friendly events, themed attire is common, making it easier to identify participants.
5. Car Decals and Bumper Stickers: The Mobile Clues
Hidden Meanings: Some decals and bumper stickers use coded language or symbols that are only recognizable to those within the lifestyle.
Location-Specific Signals: Certain regions or communities might have their own unique car decals or bumper stickers.
The Element of Risk: Displaying such symbols on a vehicle carries an inherent risk, making it a bold statement of one's lifestyle.
6. The "Lifestyle" Cruise or Resort: The Community Gathering
The Shared Experience: These venues provide a safe and welcoming environment for swingers to connect, fostering a sense of community.
The Event Swag: Matching wristbands, lanyards, and other event swag act as visible identifiers, creating a sense of belonging.
The Networking Opportunities: These events offer unparalleled opportunities for swingers to meet and connect with like-minded individuals from around the world.
7. Online Presence:
Social Media Clues: Some swinger couples will use subtle codes within their social media profiles, or join specific groups.
Dating Site Indicators: Certain dating sites are geared toward the lifestyle, making it very easy to identify participants.
Forum and Group Participation: Active participation in online forums or groups related to swinging is a big indicator.
The Swingers Dictionary
Like most everything else, there is a specific vocabulary for the lifestyle. There are swinger terms for almost everything. So if you want to understand how to read a profile on a lifestyle site or how to converse at a swingers club, you need to know the lingo.
Before we start, we’d like to offer a little advice. If you don’t understand a term or a phrase, ask for clarification. It is always better to be sure, before you agree to something that you might regret later!
We offer up this list of swinger terms and definitions. Some are very common in the lifestyle, others aren’t used quite as much. Not everyone always agrees on the finer points of some terms, so there can be some gray areas. Again, make sure you clarify before you commit!
Airtight – Refers to a woman having vaginal, anal and oral sex simultaneously.
“Friday was single guy night at the club. I watched a woman surrounded by men in the back playroom. At more than one point, she was airtight, and the guys were still looking for ways to penetrate her.”
Bareback – Having sexual intercourse without a condom. A fairly unusual practice within the lifestyle.
“We don’t do bareback, we always use condoms when we full swap.”
BDSM – Bondage, Discipline and Sado-Masochism – A general term which refers a wide variety of “kinky” practices, generally including restraints, dominance and submission, and pain play. However, not all BDSM involves pain or domination.
While there may be some crossover between BDSM and the lifestyle, the two are quite different. Many in the BDSM community would never consider “swinging”, just as many in the lifestyle are not deeply involved in BDSM.
“She likes to be spanked a little bit, but we’re not quite ready for BDSM night at the club.”
Bi-Comfortable – A person who enjoys sex with the opposite gender and is, at least, willing to participate in some sexual activity with others of their own gender.
“Girls aren’t my thing, but I’ve always been bi-comfortable. Sometimes things happen, and I’m good with it. Seems to make hubby harder, too.”
Bi-curious – A person who may be interested in exploring sex with people of the same gender. Most women in the lifestyle identify themselves as bi-curious, though there is a wide latitude in what they mean by that. Many would be better described as “bi-tolerant“, “bi-comfortable”, or “bi-receptive.”
“Sexy married couple looking to play with others. She is bi-curious, so ladies who may like to explore other ladies are especially welcome!”
Bi-Receptive – A person who is willing to let others of the same sex perform on them, though they are not willing to reciprocate. Most often, this is woman who enjoys the oral skills of another woman, but is not eager to lick pussy herself. Sometimes referred to as “Bi-Passive.”
“Experienced swingers looking for new friends. He is straight, she is bi-receptive.”
Bi-Sexual – A person who enjoys sex with members of the same sex.
“Bi-sexual women seem to be much more prevalent in the lifestyle than bi-sexual men. Though some guys may be reluctant to admit it, because there still seems to be some sort of stigma attached to that.”
Bi-Tolerant – A person who is willing to engage with others of the same sex, but generally does not find personal pleasure in it.
“I’m really hoping we can find a woman who is more than bi-tolerant tonight. I need some serious girl time!”
Bondage – A fetish in which restraints such as ropes, chains, cloth, belts or leather straps are used to bind, tie or hold a participating sexual partner.
“My husband enjoys a little light bondage, so I keep a selection of scarves in my nightstand drawer.”
Bull – A male (who is often dominant) who has sex with other men’s wives, generally with the consent of the husband, who may or may not be present for the encounter. Bulls are often integral parts of hotwife and cuckhold play, though they may be invited by a couple to participate in a simple MFM threesome.
“I watched my wife with her new bull last night. I can tell you that it won’t be the last time!”
Clean – While the word can apply to hygienic practices, the swinger term generally refers to a person who is free of sexually transmitted diseases.
(It should be pointed out that this claim should not necessarily be taken at face value. One cannot know, for certain, his/her status without regular testing.
“Clean single white male available for encounters with couples and females.”
Compersion – The feeling of happiness, joy, pleasure, or arousal created by seeing the happiness or arousal of one’s partner. This is more than voyeurism. A voyeur simply likes what he sees. A person experiencing compersion has a deeper sense of pleasure, knowing that his/her partner is receiving pleasure and is enjoying it. In some senses, it is the opposite of jealousy.
“I love watching my husband with other women. I know I should probably be jealous, but I find that it excites me. So to feed my compersion, I have brought more than one woman home to him.”
Consent – A clear, specific affirmation and agreement to a sexual advance or activity. Most often, this requires a spoken request to touch, touch further, or generally initiate any sexual or intimate activity, followed by a verbal “yes.” Consent is NEVER “implied” in the lifestyle.
“You know, we have played with them before, but he still asked if he could kiss my wife before he did anything. She was more than happy to consent, of course.”
Cuckold – This swinger term technically refers to a man whose wife has sex with other men. In most scenarios, he is present and is often degraded or humiliated by his wife in the process. He may even be bound, or at least limited in some way (no masturbation, for instance) during the session.
“I met this couple at a bar last night. Her hubby was a cuck, so he just sat in the corner and watched me fuck her while she told him how much bigger my dick was than his.”
Swinger Terms D – G
D&D free (Or DD Free) – Usually found in swingers profiles, this is an abbreviation for “Drug and Disease Free”, meaning that the individual is clean and not a drug user.”
“Experienced couple, D&D free, looking to make new friends with similar interests.”
Dominant – Evidencing a desire for control, assertive, generally “in charge” within a relationship, in contrast to a more submissive partner. This power dynamic may be fluid and of little importance in some couples, or it may create a more overarching context for an entire relationship. While dominance and submission are important components within the BDSM world, they often play some part in most couples’ relationships and should not be ignored within the lifestyle.
“All my friends tell me how quiet and shy my new girlfriend is. They have no idea! When we get to the bedroom, she is completely dominant and insists that I follow her every instruction. I like a girl that knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to tell me!”
DP or Double Penetration – The act of being penetrated by two things at once. Generally refers to two dicks penetrating one woman, though in some cases dildos may be substituted for penises. Most typically, DP refers simultaneous vaginal and anal intercourse. However, DVP (Double Vaginal Penetration) and DAP (Double Anal Penetration) are also possibilities – if you are both limber and patient enough!
“My boyfriend’s coworker came over last night. One thing led to another, and before it was over, I had my first DP.”
Entertain – (see also Host) – To provide one’s home as a location for meeting or sexual activities.
“Our kids are grown and out of the house, so we can entertain. There’s no need to rent a hotel room.”
Exhibitionism – The act of exposing oneself to others, particularly the parts that are generally not exposed! In the lifestyle, exhibitionism extends to the enjoyment of having others watch your sexual activity.
“The club had a playroom surrounded by windows, so that those who are into exhibitionism could fuck while others watched.”
FMF – A sexual threesome that includes two females and a male. In some cases, this acronym indicates that the women will not play with one another (as opposed to an FFM), but that use is not universal.
“Hubby’s birthday is coming up, and I want to surprise him with his fantasy. Seeking unattached female for FMF play.”
FFM – A sexual threesome that includes two females and a male. In some cases, this acronym indicates that the women will play with one another as well as with the man (as opposed to an FMF), but that use is not universal.
“My husband and I are looking for a bisexual woman. We’ve been fantasizing about an FFM threesome for years.”
Full Swap – A sexual encounter with (at least) two couples where individuals participate in penetrative vaginal intercourse with someone other than their partner. Compare with Soft Swap.
“We love watching each other have sex with other people, so we prefer to full swap whenever we find a compatible couple.”
Gang Bang – Group sex with one member of one sex and multiple members of the other. Most often, a gang bang involves one woman with multiple men.
“We saw our first gang bang at the hotel takeover. A woman was on the bed, with 3 guys around her, and two more leaning on the wall waiting for their turn.”
Swinger Terms H – R
Hall Pass – Permission for a partner to have sex with another without the presence of his/her partner.
“My wife is taking her first business trip. We’ve decided that she is going to have a hall pass, as long as she tells me all about it when she gets back. Does that make me a cuckold?”
Host – (see also Entertain) – To provide one’s home as a location for meeting or sexual activities. Can also refer to the individual who is doing the entertaining.
“I wish we could host, but the walls in our apartment are just too thin.”
Hot Wife (or Hotwife) – A married woman who has sex with other men. Sometimes her husband is present. Or in some cases, she goes out on dates, returning to tell him about her adventures. “Hotwifing”, strictly speaking, is different than cuckolding in that the wife does not degrade or humiliate her husband. In fact, in some hot wife scenarios. The husband participates, in MFM threesomes or gang bangs with his wife.
“We started by swapping with other couples, but I found that the best part of that, for me, was watching my wife with the other guy. So now we just do the hotwife thing, and we both get what we want.”
Hotel Takeover – A larger lifestyle event held in a commercial hotel when all of the rooms and facilities have been rented by the event planners. Takeovers are often two-night events, allowing the participants to use all areas of the hotel without the concern of disturbing other guests. Of course, there are usually rules regarding nudity and/or sexual activities in the visible, public areas of the facility.
Most hotel takeovers offer public hospitality suites, play rooms and specialized areas play, such as dungeons, Sybian rooms, etc.
“We did our first hotel takeover last weekend. I can’t believe we watched at BDSM show and took part in our first orgy!”
House Party – A lifestyle event held in a private home. Usually, these are smaller events attended by those known or selected by the hosts.
“So far we’ve played in a club and have attended some hotel takeovers, but we have never been to a house party.”
HWP – “Height, weight proportionate.” Usually found in profiles, this is a simple way of describing those who are relatively within the normal weight range for their height. It is considered by some to be a more polite way of excluding overweight people.
“We’re not Ken and Barbie, nor are we gym rats. We don’t expect you to be either, but we are primarily interested in HWP couples.”
Kink – or Kinky – Sexual preferences that fall outside of those things that are generally considered common and ordinary. This is a relative term, since one person's “normal” may be “kinky” or “extreme” to someone else.
“I’m not sure that couple is a match for us. They are into whips, and diapers and other kinky stuff.”
The Lifestyle – Sometimes abbreviated as LS, this term refers to all aspects of consensual non-monogamy. Some swingers prefer to the term over “swinging,” but the two are generally interchangeable.
“So, how long have you two been in the lifestyle?”
MFM – A sexual threesome that includes two males and a female. In some cases, this acronym indicates that the men will not play with one another (as opposed to an MMF), but that use is not universal.
“It took a while, but we finally had our first MFM last week. Finding a respectful, attractive single guy to join us was a lot harder than we thought.”
Newbie – A reasonably affectionate term that refers to one who is new to the lifestyle, or any aspect of it.
“Since they were newbies, we thought it would be best to let them set the pace and not push them along.”
Off Premise – A swinger’s club or venue that does not allow sexual activities on the site.
“We’d better reserve a hotel room for Saturday night. That new place is an off-premise club, and if we meet someone,e we will need a place to go.”
On Premise – A lifestyle club that has playrooms or some other accommodation which allows for sex on site.
“It was our first visit to an on-premise club. Everything looked pretty normal up front, but once you got to the back room it was like being surrounded by live porn. People were fucking everywhere!”
Open Relationship – An agreement between a couple that allows them to play separately from one another.
“I’ve been seeing this woman I met at the gym. We just get together a couple times a month to fuck. She married, but says they have an open relationship, so her husband is fine with it. She even introduced me to him.”
Parallel Play – Two (or more) couples, having sex with their own partners, in the same room. No swapping is involved.
“We met a great couple at the hotel party. They were new and nervous, so we just enjoyed some parallel play. It was hot watching them fuck in front of someone else for the first time.”
Play – Sexual activity with others.
“We generally don’t play on the first date.”
Play Room – A room or area designated for sexual activity at swingers clubs, resorts, hotel takeovers, house parties, and other lifestyle venues.
“We were exploring the hotel before the party got started and came across the playroom. There must have been a dozen beds in there, plus a bunch of couches for people to watch.”
Polyamory – The practice of maintaining multiple-partner relationships. Far beyond “open-relationships’ or simply sexual relationships, those involved in polyamory establish deep, intimate, emotional, and (usually) sexual relationships with more than one partner. All partners know about one another and will often socialize together. In some cases, they may even live in the same household. While swingers may be polyamorous (or vice versa) the terms are definitely not interchangeable.
“When we bumped into them at the club, I thought they were a couple who had just picked up a single guy. Turns out they all live together. Not sure how this polyamory thing works, but the three of them seemed to have a really committed relationship with each other.”
Profile – A personal page on a lifestyle website where couples and individuals describe themselves and their sexual preferences, as well as list the kinds of partners and activities they are looking for. Profiles are normally accompanied by pictures and a means of contact.
“We got a message today from a couple not to far from us. I checked out their profile, and we seem to have a lot in common. They’re into concerts and massages.”
Swinger Terms S – Numbers
Safe Word – A term that most specifically applies to BDSM situations but also has some use within the lifestyle community. It is a word, chosen before pthe lay begins and clearly communicated to all participants, which means to stop immediately.
“I know it’s a little kinky, but I have this rape fantasy that hubby indulges me in from time to time. Sometimes, he can get a little too rough, so I need to have a safe word. After all, I spend the rest of the time saying ‘no’ and ‘please stop’, so he needs to have some way of knowing when I mean it for real!”
Same Room – One of the more common rules of play established by many couples. It means that all sexual activity will happen in the presence of their partner. The two of them will be together at all times. The opposite of separate play or separate rooms.
“Since we get off by watching one another fuck, we are Same Room only.”
Sensual Bondage – Sensual bondage involves not only restraining a person’s movements during sexual activity but also providing them with pleasurable sensations through bondage. This can be achieved by using different materials, such as rope, silk fabric, chains, etc., as well as by strategically placing knots and chains to enhance pleasure or sensations.
“I don’t want anybody using whips or leaving bruises on me, but when she tied me up and began to use that feather and her other toys on me, I realized that maybe I was into sensual bondage, after all.”
Separate Play (or Separate Rooms) – Sexual activity that happens without the presence of the partner. This is not the same as an open relationship, in which sex can happen individually and at any time. Separate room play implies that both partners are engaged in sex with another couple but not in the same room.
“I was too distracted watching my wife get fucked at the party and wasn’t really giving appropriate attention to his wife. We really liked and trusted them, so we figured that the two of us would go to their room to fuck. It was our first separate play experience, and we’re pretty sure it won’t be our last.”
Situational – “Under the right circumstances” – An individual or couple will use this word to indicate some activity they might do in a given situation but are not willing to commit to do doing it in all situations. Probably an unnecessary swinger term since all play is inherently situational.
“Honestly, we mostly like the tease and sensuality of soft swapping, but there have been a couple of times that things got so hot that we just couldn’t resist going further. It’s still not typical for us, so I guess you’d say we’re situational full swap.”
Soft Swap – A relatively vague term that is easier defined by what it is NOT, rather than what it IS. Soft Swap indicates that the couple does not have intercourse with anyone other than their partners. In other words, they are not a full swap couple.
However, the limits of what they are willing to do with others (girl/girl play, touching, oral sex, etc.) should still be clarified before play begins since many people define the limits of soft swap differently.
“He loves watching me with another woman, and I love sucking cock with another girl, but that’s as far as we’re ready to go. We are really comfortable with soft swap.”
Submissive – The opposite of dominant. A submissive partner yields control within the relationship (or at least parts of the relationship) to his/her dominant partner.
“We met a new couple that we enjoy playing with. It’s been a different experience because he wants to be told what to do. And I’ve figured out that I like having a submissive partner! So I’m getting a chance to explore my dom side.”
Travel – The opposite of entertain. A couple who is “willing to travel” will most likely not host, and is open to driving some distance for play opportunities.
“Our housing situation doesn’t allow us to host, but we are happy to travel.”
Unicorn – A mythical creature, often discussed, rarely seen, and highly desired. Or more specifically, the swinger term refers to an unattached female, willing to play.
“Best night at the club, ever! We finally met a unicorn. After playing with her for a couple of hours in the playroom, we agreed to meet for dinner Friday night. Hopefully, this will turn into something regular. Hubby and I have been looking for a girl to share for a long time.”
Vanilla – Non-lifestyle. Can refer to people, events, or activities.
“After our first Bliss Cruise, we decided that we will never be able to do a vanilla cruise again.”
Voyeurism– Gaining pleasure from watching sexual activity. The swinger term does NOT refer to “peeping” on unsuspecting people.
“The club had a really nice set up for voyeurism. Not only were there windows in most of the playrooms, they actually had a camera set up in one with a projector and screen down the hall so that you could see everything that was happening in there.”
420 – Not a swinger term, per se, but a reference to marijuana and it’s use, which you will often find in profiles.
“We went to a house party last week. They had a great set up with a smoking area outside, and they were even 420 friendly.”
